True Love?

Do you believe in love?

I’m talking about that deep down, life changing, earth shaking, always-and-forever kind of love—the stuff of poetry and legend.

Many people are skeptical, and for good reason. Today’s culture isn’t very fertile ground for romance.  With social media, text messaging and online dating, we’ve revolutionized communication but we’ve lost the art of relationship. There are very few success stories. (Sometimes it seems like there are very few people having real, face-to-face conversations anymore!)

But I believe. Scratch that. I know.

True love is real—deep, unconditional, everlasting love. The reason it is so rare is because it is so misunderstood.

Most people’s idea of “true love” looks something like this: Mr. or Mrs. Right is waiting out there somewhere, “the One” they are destined to be with. And that special someone is looking for them too, and it’s only a matter of time before they meet each other—and of course, they’ll both live happily ever after.

Bullshit.

Happily ever after doesn’t exist. And the universe didn’t hand pick one special person just for you. In fact, the whole idea of finding fulfillment in someone else is an illusion.

The truth is, love can only be found within.

Most people who are looking for love “out there” are actually just running away from loneliness. They constantly settle for less than what they want, and less than what they deserve, because their greatest fear is to be alone, grow old alone and die alone.

The fear of loneliness prevents us from experiencing real intimacy. True love lies beyond that fear. We have to face what Louis C.K. calls the “forever empty,” the unquenchable sadness deep within us; the ever present knowledge of our own mortality, that in the end we all face death all alone.

The truth is that real love requires real inner work that most people just aren’t interested in. It requires that we first be happy in our solitude; that we come to know ourselves, accept ourselves and love ourselves. We have to find our peace of mind, find our purpose, our passion, our joie de vivre.

It requires that we lay down the ego’s defenses and be naked and vulnerable; that we give up our planning and fantasizing about the future and live in the Now. Only then are we really ready to love. When you fully grasp that tomorrow is not guaranteed—that this moment is truly all that we have—there is nothing to do but give everything you’ve got, expecting nothing in return.

In fact, you know in advance that your heart will be broken. You will be lied to, you will be taken for granted; you will be hurt and disappointed. Sooner or later, between here and your deathbed, you will have to say goodbye. You know it, you accept it, and you love anyway.

Real love is divine. It comes from a relationship with the universe, a dance with emptiness which takes us beyond the human self, beyond the ego’s petty games to know a timeless love; to taste the fullness of joy.

What we call “true love” is that rare and sacred union that happens when two people join in this dance together.

It is a friendship, a love affair and an act of worship. Passion, lust, affection, caring, trust, respect and devotion all become part of an exquisite surrender. Lovers merge with each other and with the vast, wild universe. Neither knows for sure if it will last a weekend or a lifetime. It doesn’t matter.

All that matters is this moment of oneness—holy and beautiful.

It contains eternity.

Back 6 years later.

Calling out to the ether!!!
I am back after 6 years- a few moves, states, relationships and careers later.

Greeting from the Gulf of Mexico! Now how I got here is quite the story (for me at least), but more on that later.

For now, gender roles...

How do we define them, Societally? Socially? Occupationally? Familial? Personally?
And if we chose, or are made to chose any or all of these definitions, how do we integrate them, or seamlessly slide from one to another in our day to day lives? Or do we stand apart, make our own definition and simultaneously outcast ourselves from each and every facet of our day to day lives.

Now as an independent 30 something-ish female I would love to climb on my soap box and preach we can all forge our own path... However I believe it is a bit more complicated than that. Let's explore:

Each and every one of us can find ourselves defining each of these classifications differently, in terms of importance (or rank if you will) as well as where we fall within each. Let's face it we all have different social circles, families, jobs and relationships. With each of these important components of our lives do we not want to feel comfortable, at peace, and free to express ourselves?

Now for many these are not questions that come up, or are even worth pondering on a daily basis... or ever. However I find myself in a gender biased world everyday.  Maybe it is because I live in the south but hail from the North, or because I work in a male dominated field, I realize these are all choices I have made for myself, but I still struggle to meld each part of my life into one. I mean come on- do we not dress, speak, act and present ourselves even slightly differently in different circumstances?

If you find yourself in a place where you can speak to your boss the same way you speak to your friends, or wear PJs to a fancy dinner and work clothes to bed...than... good for you!!! seriously.

However I wear steel toes and hard hat to work, nice clothes out, and would never dream of speaking to my family the way my co-workers and I speak to each other.

Alright I got a bit off topic, but it should all come together (here is to hoping.) How can I be a wife, and hopefully a mother one day, when surely that means the end of a career I do enjoy? How can I not resent one aspect of my life when it surely means completely giving up another? I always believed "I CAN have it all!" and now i am finding, simply because of gender roles, and of course basic anatomy, than I indeed can not.

To come full circle, taking into account every segment that makes up our definition of our gender identity, is it possible to remove the partitions and produce a finished copy (ever up for revision) without sacrifice or resentment?

Perhaps, a question that may never be answered, does not mean it should never be asked.

Sorry

I know I have been M.I.A. for a while now and I am sorry. But wow how things have changed. After the lovely month of October watching the market... as well as my career go down the tubes I decided to move back to CT. (not that the oppressive Upstate NY winters aren't great!)

I am not saying i made a bad decision but it hasn't been easy. At first i could find any reasonable apartments, and well $900 for a one bedroom in New London is not reasonable. Then I realized that it might be hard to pay for this apt with out a job... hahaha talk about the egg before the chicken!

After tirelessly searching for a job with my qualification I decided that competing for the same position with people far more qualified than myself, but willing to accept comparable pay was going to be a long uphill battle... And it has been.

Enough about me... How about this:

Seriously, like the $700 BILLION dollar bailout of the financial wasn't enough, we are now finding out (officially) that there is monitoring system of how this money is being sent, and most importantly not being lent. Is anyone really surprised by this? REALLY?

And more hilarious, in a very depressing, pathetic and sad way, is new bailout of the automotive industry... I understand that the collapse of the big three would be very detrimental to the already troubled economy... But here is novel idea:

How about we bailout... us? You know the middle class. the ones that were the most affected by this sub-prime crap, without even being involved in it... I know it would be impossible to tell those deserving from those stupid enough to buy into an A.R.M.
But come on! We didn't participate, yet we are the one getting blush of the fall out. Because those who are out on their butts after a foreclosure... they qualify for all of these government programs to help those less "fortunate"!
But... NO... that could never help. The only possible answer is the have the tax payers hand over $700B to the financials, with no accountability. While they split the bulk of it between the C.E.O.s and their cash reserves, NONE of it is coming back to... wait for it... the tax payer.

Now I think enough can be said that Republicans are against the Automotive bailout...

This is my ultimate point (sorry about the ramblings):
When we pay taxes we usually see it somehow... Roads, bridges, schools, even the Iraq war! But when you bailout a privatized industry with public moneys, with no accountability or visible benefit the public we do the opposite of invigorating the economy or creating consumer confidence! We are digging a whole that truly scares me...

Well, thanks for checking in after my absence... 'till next time (it wont be so long!)

-CMF

Brilliant

dropped the ball yesterday! But I love Septembers! The air is crisp, school is back in, and markets are usually acting like a hormonal teenager! fun, fun, fun!!!! so to the task at hand:

I have gotten many great suggestions for some unique, worth while charities. THANK YOU!

All of these got me thinking, there are so many great charities, helping all aspects of our world, but I really feel that long term sustainability is truly the best way to make a difference.

Introducing Heifer:

http://www.heifer.org/site/c.edJRKQNiFiG/b.201470/#

What I found unique about this particular organization is their complete dedication to the old adage of teaching someone to fish.... Plus they have a very navigable site, with interactive pages for children. I also appreciate the many facets of involvement.... I am aware that while there is a large number of people who have a propensity for philanthropy, they might not have either a= the time, or b= the money.... this organization caters to those with big hearts who want to help anyway they can.

Another key to this charity is their lack of constraints with regards to whom, or where they donate their efforts!

Get involved, help another, and remember: Children are our future... get 'em involved!

Humanitarian Day

Since I attend my rotary meeting on Wednesday I found it only appropriate that each Wednesday I highlight a foundation, or worthy cause that i find important. Trying to find my first topic was causing me some distress. There are so many charities that are very important to me that I have participated in, I was struggling with which one to bring to the forefront.

I had to look no further than my late night comedy central lineup!

Last night, while watching The Colbert Report, the special guest was sports writer for ESPN magazine Rick Reilly with an great new foundation "Nothing but Nets." At first I thought it was regarding something with basketball, or some type of net sport, and rapidly dismissed it... as i listened, I discovered how very different it was.

Nothing but Nets is a foundation started by Mr. Reilly to supply the African continent with nets to hang over their bed to help with the fight against a huge killer- Malaria. The cost is $10 per net and can save a life! This disease kills over 1 million children per year!!! And we can help with a small $10 donation. Mr. Reilly was so enthusiastic about this cause i was moved. It is a great, simple way to get children to help other children, and the cause alone is more than worthy!

I invite everyone to check out this fantastic, moving website! http://www.nothingbutnets.net/

It is so simple, so inexpensive, and so important... Thank you all!

Lehman, AIG, Merrill... OH MY!....

Well it has been an interesting 2 days, to say the least...

Sunday night, around 8pm, a good friend of mine "Nate" was watching the news. Much to his surprise, he learned his employer, Financial GIANT Merrill Lynch was now a part of the beloved (sense the sarcasm) Bank of America...tumtumtum! The branch has been in turmoil, clients calling by the hour. Merrill's price per share closed today at a remarkable $22.18! The price in September of last year (when I graced the office with my presence) was up around $80, and everyone was mad at the recent $15 per share drop! Whose pissed now- at least they don't work for Enron ; )

It gets better...

The Federal Reserve bank, lovingly called the Fed, or formally Greenspan's bitch, is considering a bail out of insurance giant AIG (not the financial side) and amidst all of this their price per share on stock closed down 50% today...

NO! more????

In addition to AIG's running shareholders, WaMu is also scaring them away with rumors of a potential buy out.... I remember when they were threatening to buy out Merrill last year, how it all comes full circle!

- does this remind anyone of high school... RUMORS abound!!!!!

On a side note, something good did come out of all of this, other than Morgan Stanley beating analysts estimates for earnings!

The Sox are now tied for first place in the A.L. east, Good Luck Beckett! bring it home!

...Lions and Tigers and Bears... Oh my (but definitely no Bull... market that is!)

begining

I have been toying with the idea of starting a blog. Well, I finally did it! I wanted to create something of an open forum for an intellectual stream of thought (lets hope I can accomplish that!) For the name: Innovation was drilled so far into my head in business school, I guess it just stuck with me...